Untold story...

too young was i
and too early it was
to shatter my dream
to halt my progress
to tread water till i got permission
permission from people
people i have hardly known
permission to see, to feel
to live and to touch
to touch the world and feel its liveliness




would have blossomed...
blossomed into a beautiful flower
would have found a place
not only in the bounded wall
but a place in the crowd
where i could stand tall

But.......

my life took a turn
and never ever could i return
to a place where i wanted to belong

my life was handed over
over to you
to render with care
to give me protection
to safeguard it with love
but
you conquered me
with not what is believed to be love

how i wished
wished to be showered with love
to be appreciated
to be regarded equal
or at least, to be considered human

i am not someone's keep-sake
not anyone's property
not anyone's belongings
hey! i have a life

our relationship is conceived
conceived by others
as a symbol of bonding,
of love, of pleasure,
of affection, of devotion
and of passion

no one knows
and neither have i spilled the beans
what happens behind the closed door
is only what i experience

here i am,
oppressed and dominated,
abused, terrorized, intimidated,
threatened and browbeaten
as if it doesn't hurt

i thought you would spread your arms
enclose me within and hold me tight
believe in me, believe in us
to flourish, embellish, enrich
and garnish our lives
with the flavor of love

never did you understand
my wish, my thirst
my desire, my needs
so instead of spreading your arms
you forced me...
forced me to spread my legs
made me a victim, a sufferer,
a prey of an attacker

i had not accepted
not approved of the attacks,
the violence and the abuse
but i stayed muted
tolerated the pain

no more can i do it
no more can i endure the pain
so,
here i go
breaking the silence
terminating the relationship
crossing the boundary
leaving the attacker
into the world
of my own...