Untold story...

too young was i
and too early it was
to shatter my dream
to halt my progress
to tread water till i got permission
permission from people
people i have hardly known
permission to see, to feel
to live and to touch
to touch the world and feel its liveliness




would have blossomed...
blossomed into a beautiful flower
would have found a place
not only in the bounded wall
but a place in the crowd
where i could stand tall

But.......

my life took a turn
and never ever could i return
to a place where i wanted to belong

my life was handed over
over to you
to render with care
to give me protection
to safeguard it with love
but
you conquered me
with not what is believed to be love

how i wished
wished to be showered with love
to be appreciated
to be regarded equal
or at least, to be considered human

i am not someone's keep-sake
not anyone's property
not anyone's belongings
hey! i have a life

our relationship is conceived
conceived by others
as a symbol of bonding,
of love, of pleasure,
of affection, of devotion
and of passion

no one knows
and neither have i spilled the beans
what happens behind the closed door
is only what i experience

here i am,
oppressed and dominated,
abused, terrorized, intimidated,
threatened and browbeaten
as if it doesn't hurt

i thought you would spread your arms
enclose me within and hold me tight
believe in me, believe in us
to flourish, embellish, enrich
and garnish our lives
with the flavor of love

never did you understand
my wish, my thirst
my desire, my needs
so instead of spreading your arms
you forced me...
forced me to spread my legs
made me a victim, a sufferer,
a prey of an attacker

i had not accepted
not approved of the attacks,
the violence and the abuse
but i stayed muted
tolerated the pain

no more can i do it
no more can i endure the pain
so,
here i go
breaking the silence
terminating the relationship
crossing the boundary
leaving the attacker
into the world
of my own...

We are Normal!!!

Wo-Man! Fe-Male! Hu-Man!

No doubt we have always been taken as an invisible part of a Man's life. There are compromises and sacrifices waiting for a girl child from the day their parents know about her sex. The desire of a son can only bring unknown sadness and hatred for a newly born girl who is unaware of her parent's intentions/desires. So, the easy way is to murder the child before it is born.

1. A fetus is aborted because of the congenital abnormality of a fetus. It is a condition where the fetus is not normal. But, Female foeticide is the act of aborting a fetus because it is female. Does that make us abnormal? The question rises "Are we abnormal because we are female?"

2. A fetus is aborted because the pregnancy can harm the health of the mother. Does that mean a girl is a threat for her mother's life? Since when did giving birth to a girl child start posing danger for her mother's health?

No! I don't think so. It is not fair to abort a child just because she is a female. Just because her parents were expecting to have a boy child who would stay with them in their old age.

Is it a punishment for a girl child to be born as a girl? We live in such a place where girls are taken as a symbol of sacrifice and compromise. The differences in the care, the freedom, the power to decide, all show up as early as possible between a girl and a boy child.

I don't understand why the girls are taught to suppress her feelings and her desires from a small age. Is it because of the feeling that we are NOT normal? Or, is it because it is not thought to be NORMAL for a girl to speak her mind?

There exists a thought which is very dangerous for a girl's life in the society like ours. And it is the thought that a girl is someone who will leave her home and make family with someone else (who is not a family). This leads to a misunderstanding that a girl is not a daughter for the rest of her parent's life. So, does it mean killing a girl before her birth is saving her parents from this heartbreaking event?

I think we still haven't been capable to convince a girl that she hasn't been born as a burden to her family. That, she can walk hand in hand with a boy child. That, she can be THE ONE who will take care of her parents in their old age. That, she is capable of fulfilling all of her desires herself. That, her parents are there for her whenever she needs their help. Be it before marriage or after marriage.

Why can't we teach a girl to stand for her right and speak her mind from the day she begins to understand the world? The society will start behaving with a girl like she is NORMAL only when a girl learns to understand her importance in the society, only when a girl builds up the much needed confidence in her to speak her mind. Only then a girl's birth will be taken as happiness and pride by her parents. Only then the parents will stop murdering their own child for their selfish desire. 

मेरा इच्छाहरु

संसारलाई बिर्सेर
भोलिको चिन्ता छोडेर
तिमीसंग समय बिताउन चाहन्छु म

तिम्रो छातीमा मूख लुकाइ
भएभरको दूरी मेटाइ
भक्कानो छोडी रुन चाहन्छु म

अरुले के भन्लान्
त्यो सोच्दै नसोची
तिमी संगै बस्न चाहन्छु म

लाग्छ कि अन्धकार त मेरो दुश्मन हो
छटपटिन्छु तिम्रो यादमा
तिमीलाई मेरो सामु राख्न चाहन्छु म

भाग्यमा तिम्रो साथ लेखेको छैन कि
मलाई बेवास्ता गर्छौ तिमी
तिम्रो माया र साथ खोज्छु म

चिसोपन त महसुस नै गरेनौ
मेरो सामु राखी तिमीलाई
आफ्नो भावना व्यक्त गर्न चाहन्छु म

तिमीले मलाई कहिले बुझ्छौ
मेरो व्याकुलता कहिले पो सुन्छौ
मनमा रहेका अनगिन्ती प्रश्नको उत्तर चाहन्छु म 
चाहन्छु म





 





 

My saying...

You are still being missed by me

Miss how you wanted me to wear your hoodie

I still wait up whole night to see if you're online

To start the talk hoping you'll fall in love with me again

Guess I fell for the love song that was not for me

And now the lyrics of those songs make me cry

Reminds me of the sweet love you showed me

And leaves me with a heavy heart and my throat so dry

Maybe I wasn't the girl you had been searching for

Maybe I couldn't show you how much I cared for

Maybe I was lacking something in everything I did

Maybe you were a story I could never read

Rumor has it that you've found someone new

Who understands you and pleases you the way I couldn't

Hence, you for went all of your plans made with me

And replaced me with that someone new

You still have my heart Love, and I feel lifeless

There is nothing left, remains the emptiness

I hope you fill and embellish with your love, make it alive

Return my happiness and bring me back to life

I remember us in every couple I see

I smile and wish we had a new story

But the sad story is buried inside me

The togetherness has now become a history

You probably don't even notice my absence

Been months we haven't met each other

Or have you already erased all of my existence

And forgotten that you were my one and only lover

Togetherness cannot be felt these days

Even after detachment, I still want a new start

I still wish for a happy ending with molten eyes

I still dream to win you back with a tormented heart

You wanted me to erase all the poignant memories

And start a new life, move on without you

But that cannot happen, not even after centuries

Coz nobody else can replace you...